How We Used To Feel
by MyBeautifulBlackHeart
Summary: Matt and Mello are back together after the explosion, but they want to know if the other feels like they did when they were back at Whammy's. Rated T for Language. Songfic to Better Than I Know Myself - Adam Lambert


**A/N: I know that this sucks, but it just popped into my head when I was listening to this song today. This song is also gonna go on the list of possible CMV's for when me and my Mello get our cosplays. Hope you can get past the suckishness and enjoy it! **

**Like We Used To Feel **

_Cold as ice_  
><em>And more bitter than a December<em>  
><em>Winter night<em>  
><em>That's how I treated you<em>

"Matt! Get your lazy ass up and go get me chocolate!" I yelled at the lazy gamer. It was noon and he was still asleep in the bed we share. Yes, we share a bed and I am more then fine with it. I mean why wouldn't I be, I'm in love with my best friend...enough said.

"Mello, why the fuck are you waking me up just so I can get you chocolate. You are more than awake, why can't you get your own damn chocolate?" He asked as I sat down on the bed right where he was, clearly making it uncomfortable for him.

_And I know that I_  
><em>I sometimes tend to lose my temper<em>  
><em>And I cross the line<em>  
><em>Yeah that's the truth<em>

I grabbed his chin forcefully in my hand. "Because I don't want to go out and get my own damn chocolate in the snow. Now get dressed and go get my fucking chocolate Matt." I purposely spat his name at the end trying to get my point across. Sometimes he just pissed me off.

_I know it gets hard sometimes_  
><em>But I could never<em>  
><em>Leave your side<em>  
><em>No matter what I say<em>

-Matt's Point of View-

I yanked my chin out of his grasp and stood up. Yep, here was Mello in all his glory, waking me up to go get more of his damn chocolate _again._ But I was fine with it as usual, I just felt like being a bitch about it cause I loved to see his temper flare up. Why you may ask? Because I thought him in this mood was just sexy as hell. And you might have guessed it by now. I'm in love with my best friend, but does he still feel the same way about me? I don't think so, I don't think he even likes gays anymore, so that's just gonna be our little secret. But I have to figure it out soon or I have no reason to be here. "Well what makes you think I want to go out in the middle of fucking December when it's snowing to go get your damn chocolate? I swear I'm gonna leave if you don't stop making me do this shit." But I was already up and getting my pants on, because denying Mello his chocolate, that temper is _not_ sexy it's just fucking scary. But everybody knows, even _me, _I'm Mello's little puppy dog who would never, no could never, leave his side...

_Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,_  
><em>But I really need you near me to<em>  
><em>Keep my mind off the edge<em>

_If I wanted to leave I would have left by now_  
><em>But you're the only one that knows me<em>  
><em>Better than I know myself<em>

-Mello's Point of View-

Matt leaving. Ya, that's a good one. I've heard that one before, but no matter how many times I've heard it, it still kills me a little more each time, and I don't care how cliche that sounds... but if Matt was to leave I, I don't know what I would do with myself. I mean, Matt's the only person that knows me at all. Ya, there's those mafia fucktards but they don't even know what kind of chocolate I like. Matt doesn't even has to ask, and he didn't as he walked out of the apartment to go get my selfish ass chocolate. If I wasn't in love with Matt I could have left right after my scar healed enough, hell I could have left before that.

_All along_  
><em>I tried to pretend it didn't matter<em>  
><em>If I was alone<em>  
><em>But deep down I know<em>  
><em>If you were gone<em>  
><em>For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn<em>  
><em>Cause I'm lost without you<em>

But if I was to leave while I was still healing, or Matt was to leave me. I would have had no clue what to do. Matt knew how to do all that shit with the ointment and the bandages, or at least that's how it came off as.

_I know it gets hard sometimes_

_But I could never_  
><em>Leave your side<em>  
><em>No matter what you say<em>

And all those snide comments Matt make when I asked him to do things, they don't compare to the pain I know I've put him through. Have you ever realized how calm he see me sometimes? I am never that calm around anyone else. When we were back at Whammy's and I got a lower score then that little fucking sheep, or I got in trouble for something, he would always be there to comfort me, and if I was in a mood where all I felt like doing was shouting, and he couldn't be heard through my bitching. Matt would just grab my face and kiss me until we were forced to pull away because of need for air. I touched my lips trying to remember the feeling of his lips to mine. I couldn't, but I wanted to so bad. I just want to go back to how we were when we were teenagers. I mean we still are teenagers, but we had to grow up so fast it doesn't feel like it anymore.

He walked into the bedroom dropping the bag of chocolate down next to me and going back into the living room most likely to play one of his obnoxious games. But I don't hate his video games. I love seeing his face after he won. Matt's always come up to me with the biggest smile on his face telling me that he'd gotten a high score or that he'd won the game. He probably thinks I was being sarcastic when I told him 'good job' or 'you're always the best' but I wasn't. But he doesn't do that to me anymore. I miss that big grin of his. I haven't seen it in over 4 years. Not that he hasn't beaten a game or 2, or 100, after we were reunited per say, but he hasn't come to me bouncing up and down like a little kid.

That's it. I need to know if he feels the same way about me now. I marched into the living room, and to my surprise he wasn't playing a game. He's just sitting there on the couch staring at a picture of us...kissing! "You still have that?" I yell, not out of anger but just out of surprise. He jumped into the air, clearly not hearing me come in and especially not expecting me to scream. His face turns about as red as his hair and he shoved the picture back into his pocket.

"umm, Mello...uhh I didn't hear you come in.." Matt stumbled across his words. " No shit Matt, let me see it." I smirked and his blush deepened. "No, uhh- it's nothing!" he tried to get away with it. I dropped the subject, seeing that him having the picture meant...He must still feel the same! A surge of excitement went through me and I pretty much threw myself onto his lap. Matty do you still love me? I said with a teasing tone, but underneath I was dying to kiss him, to ravish him, to just love him. "Wh-what makes you think that Mells?" He muttered and tried to turn his head away but I stopped him by pressing my lips to his.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Please review! But no flames, I'm sensitive! (If I get a certain # of favs or reviews, I might post it on DA where people who know me can see it!) Song used: Better Than I know Myself -Adam Lambert **


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